


my smile is extinct

by clothesnotfound



Series: mcyt but i’m projecting [2]
Category: Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Happy Ending, M/M, Multi, Self-Harm, Suicidal Thoughts, Trans GeorgeNotFound (Video Blogging RPF), Transphobia, unsupportive family :(
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-21
Updated: 2021-02-21
Packaged: 2021-03-17 17:48:14
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,975
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29596482
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/clothesnotfound/pseuds/clothesnotfound
Summary: he dug through the medicine cabinet, until he felt something familiar.his razor.“george?” the door knob rattled.“i’m okay.” he replied, sitting on the toilet lid.“george, unlock the door.”
Relationships: Clay | Dream/GeorgeNotFound/Sapnap (Video Blogging RPF)
Series: mcyt but i’m projecting [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2156052
Comments: 2
Kudos: 199





	my smile is extinct

today was already going awful.

george woke up with an incessant pain in his lower back, and his underwear felt like they were soaked. what, did he revert back to kindergarten and have an accident? to top it all off, he had a migraine, that he desperately tried to will away by pressing his face into a cold pillow.

eventually, he forced himself to get up, stumbling into the bathroom. he’d try to use the bathroom even though it felt like he already did.

pulling his boxers off, he froze.

he felt his head spin at the sight of blood on his legs, chest tightening as his brain finally caught up to what happened.

he started his period.

it wasn’t well known to his friends that george was trans.

they all saw him as a cis guy, and he’d keep it that way. he had no reason to change their minds.

however, that didn’t stop the onslaught of people saying he had a girly scream, or his voice was more high pitched than other boys. he’d always laugh it off— it wasn’t like they knew what their comments did to him.

whenever he laid down in bed at night, his thoughts would swirl around in his brain, whispering that he  _ wasn’t manly enough _ , he’ll  _ always be seen as a girl,  _ he’s  _ just a girl who likes to play pretend. _

those thoughts would drive him to cut.

he didn’t want to, it was just a way to make the mental pain more physical. something he could deal with.

he would watch red droplets of blood go down the sink drain, before reluctantly cleaning himself up, and bandaging his arm.

he would watch white gauze turn red, before exiting the bathroom, and passing out on his bed without caring to cover up.

“this can’t be happening.” george whispered to himself, eyes stinging with unshed tears.

a knock on the door broke him out of his thoughts. “george?”

it was dream. he screwed his eyes shut, taking in a shaky breath to steady his voice. “yes?”

“breakfast is ready for whenever you get out of the bathroom,” george envied the way he sounded so carefree, like nothing could bother him. “sapnap made pancakes! your favorite!”

george laughed, “blueberry?”

dream snorted, “duh, he always makes blueberry pancakes for you. i’ll give you some privacy now.” 

_ no, don’t— don’t leave me—  _ george’s brain begged, but he didn’t have any courage to say it outloud. he kicked off his now blood-stained boxers, digging through a pile of laundry on the bathroom floor for underwear.  _ women’s _ underwear.

that’s all he’d be, right? a woman?

swallowing around the lump in his throat, george reached under the bathroom sink, grabbing a pad from one of his sister’s packages.

well, he claimed it was his sister’s.

george’s only family were his mom and dad, who neither of which were supportive of his life choices. he could hear the discomfort and hatred whenever they would call him ‘george’, and felt the lingering gazes on him whenever his parents would talk in the other room.

stepping out of the bathroom, he throws his boxers into a hamper, mentally noting that he’d have to do laundry later.

“i’m sick of our daughter pretending she’s some boy, victoria.” george could hear his father talking in a hushed tone the room over, as if not to disturb their child.

“there’s nothing we can do about it,” his mother sounded.. regretful. dejected. “we tried sending her to therapy, we tried medication, she still believes she’s a boy.”

george felt guilt swirl in his stomach. he was causing his parents so much turmoil just because he wanted to be himself— because he wanted to be comfortable. that was sick of him, pushing away others desires for his own.

“our best bet is to.. call her george..” his mother sounded sick. (faint? disgusted?) “maybe then she’ll get over this phase.”

“...fine.” came his father’s gruff reply, the man moving around to get ready for bed. “i hope it’ll make her realize she’s not a boy.”

his mother hummed in response, both climbing into their bed and falling asleep rather easily.

george stared at the ceiling, tears brimming in his eyes.

he thinks that’s when he first realized he’d never truly be able to be himself.

“george! breakfast!” sapnap’s voice broke him out of his trance, blinking as he regained his senses. he forced a long, shaky sigh out of his lungs, walking down the steps to get into the kitchen.

“there he is! hi, sleeping beauty.” dream seemed excited to see him, like a dog who hadn’t seen his owner in over 5 minutes.

“g’morning.” sapnap smiled, before returning to eating his breakfast.

george shook the feeling of dread out of his body, taking his place next to dream. the taller leaned over and pressed a kiss to george’s forehead, then leaned backwards to continue scrolling through twitter.

george briefly wondered if he deserved this. the domesticity of it all made his stomach churn.

but, for sapnap’s sake, he cut into his pancakes and ate, not bothering to put syrup on them.

the morning was slow. sapnap and dream were both on their phones, and the only sound was silverware as they clinked on george’s plate. dream had scooted his chair closer to the oldest, head resting on top of his. sapnap would occasionally turn his phone around to show dream some stupid meme, one that made the tallest wheeze uncontrollably for a good minute or two.

once george was done eating, he slumped against dream, already tired and wanting to go back to sleep.

“what’s wrong, georgie?” dream asked, wrapping an arm around the smaller.

“tired.” george mumbled, closing his eyes.

“you wanna cuddle? we don’t have anything to do today.” sapnap cut in, staring at george with concern in his eyes.

it was silent in the room as they waited for his response. he felt dream shake him, as if he was worried the oldest had fallen asleep on him. “i’m awake, idiot. stop manhandling me.” george bit out, causing dream to snicker above him.

“sure,” he began, moving out of dream’s hold to stand to his feet. “we can cuddle.”

sapnap practically rushed out of his seat to go to the living room, laying on their couch with a small thunk.

george shuffled into the room, dream not too far behind. “you’re gonna break that couch one day.” george warned, laying on it more gently than sapnap did. immediately, arms curled around his torso, hands pressed flat against his stomach.

dream was busy choosing something for them to watch, as the couch was too small for all three of them to be cuddling. “you guys have to promise we’ll cuddle in my bed later,” he whined, a frown on his face.

“we will. your bed is the biggest out of all of ours.” george mumbled, eyes tiredly focused on the tv. he silently hoped that if he were to pass out, he wouldn’t wake up to blood staining his legs again. 

he fell asleep.

he knew he did because when he opened his eyes again the sun was lower in the sky. he assumed it was the afternoon.

sapnap’s arms were still curled around him. he lifted himself out of the limp hold, standing and stumbling his way to the bathroom.

george shut the door behind him, slumping to the ground. he lowered his head into his hands, a choked sob pulling itself out of his throat. he hugged his knees to his chest, crying openly into the empty bathroom.

_ knock knock. _

“george?”

dream.

he lifted his head, desperately wiping away at the tears streaming down his face. looking at himself in the mirror, he noted he was in no shape to face dream.

he locked the door. “yeah?”

“you okay? i heard something that sounded like crying.” concern was laced in the younger’s voice, causing george’s stomach to turn.

he dug through the medicine cabinet, until he felt something familiar.

his razor.

“george?” the door knob rattled.

“i’m okay.” he replied, sitting on the toilet lid.

“george, unlock the door.”

george dragged the razor against his arm, sucking in air through his teeth as his flesh cut open.

“i don’t want to.” his voice wavered as he lifted the razor, moving it lower on his arm.

“george.” the knob rattled again.

“leave me alone.” george whimpered, pathetically. he just wanted to cut and be out of the bathroom without bothering anyone. couldn’t dream see that?

he made another wound, gasping in pain. he watched the crimson liquid drip down his arm, splatting in a puddle of red that formed on the ground.

the door swung open. (when did dream have the time to unlock it?)

george stared at dream like a deer in headlights, hands trembling as he watched dream’s face contort with emotion.

fear. anger. sadness.

george could feel his breathing getting louder— faster. he felt sick.

“george..” dream sounded hurt. he hurt dream. this was all his fault.

“i’m sorry.” he whispered, squeezing his eyes shut. he didn’t want to look at dream, didn’t want to see any disappointment.

he heard dream come closer, felt a hand on the underside of his damaged arm. he could hear dream dig around for their first aid kit, setting it on the floor. he could feel the sting as as dream cleaned his arms and cuts, he could feel droplets of tears on his skin as dream cried over him.

he made dream cry.

he was the worst.

george opened his eyes as dream began wrapping the gauze around his arm, looking up at the younger.

“i’m sorry..” he mumbled, big, doe-like eyes glossy with tears.

dream lifted his head, locking their eyes together. he smiled. “it’s okay.” he taped the gauze so it wouldn’t fall off, turning george’s hand around and pressing a kiss to his knuckles.

“talk to me.” dream whispered, running his thumb over the bones in george’s hand.

“i’m scared to.” george whimpered.

“i know.” dream reassured.

“i’m trans.” george hurried, pushing past the feeling of dread in his chest.

dream blinks in surprise. the silence stretches between them, before dream shakes his head. “i would’ve never guessed,” he cups george’s face in his free hand. “you pass so well, baby.”

george could cry. he does.

his tears spill onto dream’s hand, snot runs out of his nose. his eyebrows are scrunched together and he can only imagine how ugly he looks at his moment. his face is red and splotchy, and he’s gripping onto dream’s wrist so tightly it might break.

dream kisses his forehead, the same spot he kissed that morning. “you’re so pretty.”

george shakes his head. dream keeps kissing him, moving from his forehead to his cheeks, to his jawline.

george can’t do anything but cry. “what did i do to deserve you?”

dream pulls back and cups his face with both hands. he runs his thumbs over george’s cheeks. “nothing,” he whispers, “no upper power gave me to you. i’m here because i love you.”

“you don’t,” george denies, leaning into the touch, “no one can love someone as broken as me.”

“i can.” dream promises, connecting their lips together.

george kisses him like he’s the only person left in the world, desperate and needy. he wraps his arms around dream’s neck, pulling him closer. dream doesn’t complain, tilting his head into the kiss, running his fingers through george’s hair.

they pull back at the same time, staring at each other.

dream smiles, holding george’s face in his hands. “so, so pretty.” he kisses the older’s forehead, standing up and walking him back to the living room.

“..thank you.” george whispers, squeezing dream’s hand.

“of course. i love you, georgie.”

george is silent, before he smiles, “i love you too, dream.”


End file.
